How To Slay a Troll

How to Slay a Troll

1. Race is the Matter - Suffice to say: The far-right has ursurped the word "racist" and neutralized it by turning it back on the accuser. Classic "blame the victim" strategy. So, split hairs. Readily admit to being a "human racist," label them "white racist," and use the label even if the subject changes. Black and white are not bad words. Use them. A black racist is an oxymoron in the minds of most people. Even those who say it, are hard-pressed to believe it. A white racist, however, is historically and universally recognized.

2. "Place" Them - They are all "arm-chair quarterbacks." People in political office don't go on these sites. Their staffers may, but most trolls are underpaid, overworked, disgruntled "Joe Blowhards." Demand their credentials and question those credentials. Their egotism is outsized. Most often, they will divulge some credential or another. No matter what they are, they cannot claim "I ran for and was elected president" or "I am Ben Benanke." Attack. As a side note, you need not offer nor proffer yours. They have to rate with the "big boys," not you. Your credentials are: "A troll's worst nightmare."

3. "Freud" Them - Put them on the metaphorical couch. Question men's childhood and their relationship with their "mama." Question men's choice of career (not president) and/or their masculinity (trolling is a form of exerting power). Question women's humanity and intuition (or lack thereof). Make fanciful suppositions. Be  kindly patronizing to women and condescendingly derissive of men. After the first flat-out lie, sharply question the credibility of either sex.

4. Aim, Lock, Fire - Diversion, deflection and false-equivalency are trolls' favorite tactics. Note their inconsistency in logic, but do not visit the topic other than to question their raising of the topic. Do not waste time opening or reading their attachments. Note the difference between propaganda, fact and opinion. Then put them back on the couch, perhaps even musing about their motivation for trying to bring up the topic. If they change the subject, change it back. Again and again as needed. A note about false-equivalency: It, too, is a diversion. Call them out, but do not spend much time on it.


6. Question the Question - Do not answer their questions directly. At most, answer the question behind the question and, then, in a question, ie "Why are you so interested in ..." Cherry-pick their words and put your own spin on the word you choose. Then, question the psychology of their use of the word. 

6. Call Names - They do, you do. Period. Do it a lot. Talk trash with derissive humor and with authority. Nickname them and refer to them by that name forthwith. Be creative and have fun with it. Coin some phrases about their ineptitude. Laugh at them. A lot. But, do not resort to profanity or bathroom humor. In the court of public opinion, smart beats dirty every time. Also, it is not necessary to get the last word; just the best shot.

7. Use Your Words - The average American has a 6th-grade reading level. Many college graduates can not put a sentence together correctly. Neither can the average troll. Throwing "big" words at them is, in part, to remind them of this fact, and part diversionary. Some might actually go look it up. Trolls use memes because they, generally, are neither creative nor leaders. They are pawns; treat them as such. Note: Overlook spelling errors. Correcting errors is a distraction and smacks of elitism. Also, do not use a word you cannot define and make sure to spellcheck the words you can. No one is perfect.

8. Use Caps Liberally - YELLING at them offends their "superior" sensibilities. Moreover, it makes text stand out on the page for people who merely scan long chains of posts.

9. Know Your Audience - Remember, although verbally dueling a troll, the target audience is really the "court of public opinion." Specifically, it is the undecided voter. Do not offend them. But, from time to time, do address them directly, ie "Notice how (...) is quick to call names, yet gets offended when he is called a name?" or "See how she evaded the question?" Make your point with your audience.

10. Preach not Teach - Facts matter. Context does not. A fact is a fact. Do not waste time posting background unless it is for the benefit of your target audience. Trolls are neither interested nor swayed by facts. If trolls ask for your "proof," demand theirs. Never acquiesce.

Finally, truth is a mighty weapon. Use it liberally and, more importantly, with blunt force. Do not mince words. Call a liar a liar and an imbecile and imbecile, loudly and often. Be specific about what part of their statement is being ridiculed and be brutally, candidly honest in your assessment of both women and men. Get very personal about their minds, but ignore their bodies.

Foremost, enjoy!